It’s hard for me to say no. I do my best to be diligent about knowing what I have time for and what I don’t but I constantly find myself with a schedule that’s too full. I love helping and being involved...I find it valuable to participate so I constantly say "yes" to lots of opportunities. Which is why a recent “no” was so unique for me.
I belong to a church that does things well and pretty intentionally. So when you get an invitation to lead something, that invite is meaningful. A few weeks ago, I was asked to serve in a capacity that I think uses my gifts and would be a great opportunity for me to grow. But as I said, my schedule is fairly packed. With school, my job, speaking engagements, a wedding that I’m officiating and trying to have time for normal friendships, I had to decline; I knew that I wasn’t capable of saying yes to another thing.
But after some time passed, I’ve realized that I said no not because I didn’t have time for it…or rather, the time crunch indicated the truth. Instead, I became aware that I had the time but not the capability. Because my church does things so well, I want to live up to that standard. I have the time to squeeze that opportunity into my schedule, but I don’t have the capacity to do it well. Because my church works so hard to do everything well, I wanted to honor that standard and knew that my plate was too full and I wouldn’t be able to live up to a commitment of quality.
How much does a full calendar become my excuse for passing on things, when in reality I need to acknowledge to myself that I’m only so capable? I think that’s the reason I have a hard time saying no…because that feels like admitting that I’m not Superman, able to meet everyone’s needs. Maybe that’s why I hide behind a full calendar; I’m scared to confess to people that I have limitations.
